a synopsis

I sit here, tears streaming down my face, longing to be back in the place where my entire being became so alive. where my heart was content and wanted to call "home" the moment I set foot on its red soil. and it is now that I finally feel able to bring myself to write to you my humble description of my time there, in beautiful africa.

I encountered God there in a way that I cannot even describe. I don't think I even totally realize myself - all I know is that he is more real to me now than I have ever known in my life. he is real, and cares, and speaks to us even about the most mundane, routine circumstances. my greatest burning desire is to move closer to his heart, and to see the people surrounding me catch a glimpse of what I saw there, and what I'm trying to find here. to grab onto it with all their might and never let go. to catch a glimpse of your eye, and fall so passionately in love that they can't do anything else but seek you.

I'm struggling to find the ease in which everything flowed there, here in canada. longing for the spiritual giants to look to, and the encouragement and support that were a constant part of life there. looking for the courage I need to step out in what I've become, and not shy back to who I was. you've shown me the amazing things that this place could be, and I want it with all my heart.

I loved being under that tent, and having you come fall like a heavy blanket over us, downloading your heart into ours. feeling you in the wind. or like a wave pouring over us. tangible. all united as one spirit, singing and dancing with the angels. flowing with your spirit, moving freely in our individual gifts. not always knowing exactly what you were doing, but knowing we'd be changed when we got up off the floor. or having extremely specific things pinpointed, brought to the surface and completely restored. I am not the person I was when I left. I feel so so blessed, and enriched, and humbled. I am falling in love, and you are drawing me closer. never failing me. waiting in anticipation for me to turn my busy eyes to you. raising such a strong curosity, and desire.

africa, to me, was life changing. I don't care about sounding cliche, cheezy, over spiritual or fanatical. God has given me so so much. more astoundingly beautiful people to love, a deep love for a country and a culture, and I feel so much more clarity and more grounded than I ever have in my life. confidence. *deep breath* there's no way I could ever begin to explain to you what africa was to me, I don't have words to articulate it, but here is some of what's been placed on my heart, and enstilled in my spirit.

thank you Jesus. with all my heart.